Hi & Happy New Year 2024! It feels like forever since I've last been here. Hope that you are all well. Am doing ok, actually feeling better than I have in quite a long time. Sincerely speaking, this space (the part of my life that revolved around creating fashion) hasn't been binging me much joy like it used to. I have been struggling over the last couple of years & can't really pinpoint when exactly 'my light' started to dim. Maybe during the pandemic, am not so sure. But somehow, I stopped creating for myself & felt like everything that I was doing was to fulfil some kind of 'purpose' and doing what I was supposed to do. In my heart, I felt that something was missing but my head was just like, let's keep on doing what we always do & we will find our way back somewhere along the way. Well, years later there I was still feeling lost but on the outside, I was being 'productive', launching things, doing fashion shows, showing up online, going for events, networking, collaborating.
And the weird thing is that because I had moulded my whole life around being a Fashion entrepreneur, the 'lostness' (is that even a word) was slowly but surely seeping in into the other parts of my life, like my relationships with loved ones, my creativity, my relationship with myself, my physical health. I couldn't sleep well, was constantly feeling anxious & spending too much time on social media. I am blessed that I am somehow attuned to my body so when I realised that I couldn't make myself feel better, (like Hallo Flo, ''We don't heal in isolation but in community'', as S. Kelley Harrell so well stated), I decided to seek help. My first step was to delegate tasks that I felt were stressing me like posting regularly on my Social Media channels, so I hired a Social Media Assistant. This worked out great because it alleviated the pressure to constantly be online & to come up with new content which really weighed me down. Then I started working with 2 coaches, a 'Branding Coach' & a 'Life Coach'. During the period that I was being coached, I felt motivated & able to rediscover that missing joy but a couple of months after the sessions ended, I reverted right back to feeling 'Bleeeeh'!
2021 & 2022 were pretty rough years for me mentally because there was so much going on in my personal life, but I kept on pushing on even when I felt like I was running a never ending race. Somehow, the universe heard my yearning for peace & it sent me my Therapist. Therapy has been completely life altering for me & I am now a full advocate for it. Through Therapy, I have been able to ''gain insights, learned to identify, name, and appropriately express my emotions, and alter behavioural patterns in order to align my actions with my intentions.'' (I actually lifted this from the end of year review that my Therapist sent me, which I feel like I need to print out & frame like some sort of recognition for my achievements!).
Working with her has also helped to remind me to live for myself, redefine who Flo is by using adjectives & not accolades or professional titles. HI, MY NAME IS FLORENCE & I AM A CREATIVE WHO ENJOYS GETTING LOST IN ALL THINGS CREATIVE, THAT IS NOT LIMITED TO FASHION, BUT ENCOMPASSES A LOT THAT I AM YET EVEN TO DISCOVER IN THIS LIFE. This is how I will be introducing myself henceforth!
The big question is 'What now?' And to be 100% transparent with you guys, I don't know & I am ok with that. I understand & acknowledge that I suffered a 'creative burn-out' on this spectrum of my life & I have decided not to rush & try to get myself out of it like I always do with lots of things in my life. I am going to sit in it & feel all the feelings that come with it. I am going to 'just be' & I have a feeling that that little 'light' that I felt was dimmed will shine bright again. What I am not going to do to is to apply pressure onto it & rush it by giving it a timeline. Just like I slowly discovered it is exactly how I want it to find it's way back to me. And in the meantime, I am going to explore other parts of my creativity, I am going to read, travel, cook, take a million photos that are just for me, write, connect with my loved ones, work on my friendships, create communities with all types of different creatives & simply enjoy life.
This thing right here started as an online diary where I got to show off my 'me-made' outfits & simply share the cool places that I got to visit & the cool people that I met along the way. And I feel like, that is something I want to do again, simply share with no expectation & just because I want to. I hope that you will come along with me on this 'not so new' adventure as I discover & rediscover my creativity & am excited for what's to come.
Reading has been instrumental on this 'healing' journey for me & I want to share some books that spoke to me as I was trying to find may way back to 'me'.
If this spoke to you; I would really love to hear your thoughts down below. Thank you!